Reddit taking care of parents Your parents made a decision to have children and the decision was theirs to give money to their children. They all last about 2-4 weeks. My husband, who is a great man, and I know titles this “taking care” of a parent but have to say that isn’t exactly how it sounds. They will put your parents in a nursing home. Your parents don't sound like parents. Please don't judge me but I am really trying to keep my sanity intact. Get better friends, shit, you have enough to deal with. But at this point, you're compromising your health to take care of your mother. She can barely take care of herself. If they're okay, employ a full You shouldn't be the only person responsible for taking Care of them if they are not sick and you need to sit with your siblings and have a Proper conversation with them telling them that if they don't help in taking care of your parents you will be Forced into leaving your parents and living alone and to be fair to everyone i will suggest something which a lot of finance Professional I worked as a care aide privately and made up 17-22$/he depending. don’t do it. Judging people that choose not to take care of their parents (for a myriad of reasons) just keeps the idea alive that children have to take care of their parents. These were small eight bed facilities too. I care for my parents who are on Medicare. So, I need to be around to change the channels, cook meals, give her all her meds, take care of her finances. in my case, my babies are very chill, they play with each other and my work is very flexible too. Because they are both terrible people, I will never allow them to live in my home. You might have to take less classes in order to find a good balance. For a full list of our rules/more information, click here. You seem like you must be a great child to your Mom! Like I mentioned, I have been doing research into how people taking care of their parents can get paid/get help from health insurance, private companies, etc. Of course first pay off your loan and then save some . So, I want to ask Reddit if I'm the asshole here. The moment we stop judging, is when nursing homes and assistant living facilities will be less of a dirty little secret and become widely accepted, thus people pouring tons of money into them making them quite exceptional. Our son is 7 months old. Have a good conversation with her. We are doing it, but I feel exhausted lately. I am 53 and after the death of my mom this year I have moved in with my dad mainly I’m the typical Gen X latchkey kid. (My favorite aunt quit her career to take care of my grandmother. Exhausted. My parents were 36 when they had me, and they're in their mid 70s now. Nevertheless, we grew up to become the world's most devoted parents; the "workhorse of America. Oh dear, I feel your pain. if you just graduate, yr a baby. If it's too much to find help for your parents, just However, the child CAN CHOOSE if he/she wants to take care of the parents when they get older, and not be forced to with words like "they are your parents, they raised you and provided for you, without them there wouldn't be you, you are obligated to take care of them for the rest of their lives for what they had done for you". However, you are not required to take care of your parents, especially if you are unable to do Yep, both parents decided to party my entire childhood and even used to joke about me getting rich to take care of them. It is also commendable. This has been straining me mentally lately, I know I should do the right thing and (wo)man up and take care of mom and dad, but fuck, just fuck NO. That said, if asked, be honest, not terribly specific, but be clear you were taking care of a parent. Maybe you'll make some friends in the process. OP, tell your mom you’re losing money and ask her what she wants to do regarding her own care. We have been raised pretty much differently than usa and Whatever it takes to get him to the ER. Then, I have to take her out riding around a couple times a week Don’t treat it like a chore. Call center ops manager here, currently on Mat leave. Since Reddit took away coins, I’ll just have to give you my thanks and respect. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Its another thing when they have to work and push comes to shove. Taking care of someone who you don't have a close relationship with and treated you poorly is not mandatory. You take care of your siblings. I got stuck taking care of my mother in 2009 when she could no longer live safely in All of the major family fractures I've ever personally witnessed had to do with siblings dealing with the care of an infirm parent or parental funeral/estate arrangements. There is no way in hell I'm taking care of them after the shit they have pulled and the way they treat my husband and kids. i also suggest joining r/momsworkingfromhome because everyone else here I'm 22 in my final year of my undergraduate degree, and starting law school in the fall. Our parents gave us many gifts while they lived, so we were the lucky ones. I know of an 80 & 85 year old who are completely responsible for Until recently, taking care of one's elderly parents was a custom, a responsibility. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. I am at the hospital, I am checking out care facilities, I am helping out in every way that I can. My parents have just hit 60 and I’m finding that they are losing energy to care for themselves - they sit and watch tv most of the time, stopped working out, don’t clean the house the same, gaining weight , and overall losing excitement about things. The friendlier part of Reddit. I talked with both a social worker and a lawyer, there is no responsibility to keep taking care of an elderly parent. Some of the things we used to do just aren't possible any more because circumstances are changing. Too bad they have played favorites with their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. - No facebook or social media This has lead to major drops in the care of the house and my father pushing himself to do more than he should as I am now trying to balance job hunting and taking care of both of them. I'm almost 40. The two they dote on won't help them either. First, you DO NOT drop everything and run to rescue your parents. Focus on your new job and getting yourself on a good, solid path to security. I wanted to share some of those notes here (will Adult children taking care of their aging parents. It sounds like the parent in question here is going to a hospice care facility (or a nursing home where hospice will visit) and time is very limited. She can’t use a microwave. I work full time and take care of 10 animals. I spent the last three week running myself ragged working a full time job and running around taking care of him. Im so young but im so tired and sometimes i dont feel like waking up in the morning knowing i have to take care of a severely ill and disabled parent, help them get out of bed, use the bathroom, brush their teeth, dress and feed them, the list is endless. and i do chores at night with my husband. Sure it's doable. I can't take care of them. It can also be very fulfilling, probably both for most people. Have a fun conversation about anything that is on your mind. A parent shouldn't expect their child to take care of them when they are old. You always hear the old stereotype that “other cultures” take care of their elderly parents, usually they are referring to taking care of them in the home and never in a nursing home. Maybe kids just have Also the brother gets a break on weekends. I recently moved back to my parent’s home at 30 to help them financially and took over the mortgage payments to start. Then split that three ways. By "adult", we mean people that can have a civil discussion without using vulgar language, insulting each other and can hold on-topic discussions about how to care for their aging parent. And keep in mind, narcs can live for a LONG time. I am definitely not anti daycare, just saying if you can spend the first 3 years of your kids life raising them thats awesome. If you have trouble finding out information on who to help I would contact the Area Agency on Aging (if you live in the states). Your family is guilting you because they don't want to take care of him either. Once we got back from school, we'd basically be babysitting our older brother until my parents got back from work or whatever else they were doing, then we had no time for anything besides BTW, my husband could care less about my parent's money and actually wishes that they had none. you are responsible - taking care of family. I just get this horrible sick feeling when I think about it. If your sister is an accountant she helps with your taxes. My main point was that in most cases no one will take care and love and nurture kids as much as their own parents. I agree that moving an elderly parent into your home to take care of them is a mistake. People are so ungrateful that they do not think this should be the case. I want some alone time to rest. Follow reddit rules. Do not implode! Take care of YOU. Its us against the world. 5k if she didn't need specialized care) It was not a country club. No pure image posts. I've been thinking lately that when my parents die, the law would force me to take care of sibling (by virtue of me being immediate family) and I don't want to be miserable. My concern was always will someone come after me for neglect because he lives alone. While growing Children caring for aging parents seem required to give up their lives and many become sick in the process. Once he’s there, tell Everybody that he would be an UNSAFE DISCHARGE. Only when you are financially and physically healthy you will be able to take care of your parents. The thing that really had me rolling my eyes was the expectation that she would be taken care of like her siblings (not her) took care of my grandmother My grandmother who at the age of 96 died with 350K in her retirement account. With modern day medical care, the elderly are living longer. It feel like daughters are expected to just drop everything to take care of their parents. It can be really frustrating and exhausting watching your parents slip from being functional adults to people who need care. Now they expect me to take care of them in their old age. Manage your parents care. Our parents will surely live more than that. My mom is also a very tiny woman who has a hard time dealing with her husband's hygiene (diaper changes, bathing, changing his sheets everyday, etc. Just thought I'd post back. Outgrew my parents and was taking care of myself by 12. Our parents told my sister and I once mom was pregnant with the youngest, that they wanted us to help more with taking care of them. So I'm curious how others handle parents who didn't save financially for their retirement. Add in the rest of living expenses and my monthly take home pay is all but gone. Parents ain't dying or anything, but I'm just thinking ahead. But I still love him so I pay people to take care of all this bullshit like cleaning, cooking, errands. They deserve full time care and a medical staff. The ideals of yesteryear such as children should look after their elderly parents or the husband should go out and work while the wife stays home are being seriously reconsidered in this rapidly changing world. Sibling can't do anything, can't speak and needs 24/7 care. If we ever get to a point where dementia and/or immobility dictate 24/7 care, then they’ll probably end up in the best facility we can afford so we can still work. The social worker also made it clear that if we did, the elderly parent She can’t use a cell phone. Fair enough we both figured, but since then it's been a lot. We our self will be 55+ when we will have to take care of our parents in their dying years of 90s. As soon as my dad needed more care than we could give we got him into long term care. I moved back home after a devorce and am helping out my parents (dad has kidney failure) and on top of that I am a caregiver for work too. If my parents ever get to where they can’t take care of themselves, we’ll buy a bigger house; move them in; and get some home health aide help where needed. He works from 7-5:30, I 9-5. I’m the typical Gen X latchkey kid. Give your siblings the option of attending. not perform it yourself. Mom couldn't come, because she's extremely weak from cancer treatment, and with her health situation, doesn't need to be at the hospital and The care home we had our grandma in was 6k a month(4. I have not recovered from the effects. On Craigslist and similar places you can find postings for ppl looking for care aides for family etc not through and agency and a lot of times they don't require a liscence because it's pretty basic care that the family of the person can teach you. Generation X was born, by broadest definition, between 1961 and 1981, the greatest anti-child cycle in modern history. After talking with my family I’ve decided the best solution at this time is for me to try to become a paid caregiver for my father so I can have some income and the time to get everything back to a I refuse to give up my life because of my father's poor planning and inability to repairbroken relationships with his children. Needs another person to do everything for them. . I can reasonably take care of myself, but money is tight and I budget like a champ. My parents have 208K left on the mortgage - $2700 monthly payments and the loan is for 21 more years. ) and needs assistance with that. I also plan on having a ridiculously unstable living situation as long as possible. My husband and I both work full-time. Taking care of their parents was destroying their lives mentally and physically. You don't have to do it all yourself. The people who are giving up lives and careers to take care of elderly parents are people who have parents with long lingering diseases like Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s. Taking care of my narcissists dad was a soul sucking experience. No one ever tells you how difficult it is to give up control of your life to start taking care of your parents. Fortunately, my brother and I have made our peace with our lack of inheritance. it's an unpopular opinion when you consider everyone from cultures where there are social repercussions for not taking care of your elderly relatives, like I've definitely heard of a good few stories here on reddit where the op was caught between a rock and a hard place when it came to their so's or their personal lives in general because they were forced to take care of or be in Taking care of a disabled parent is exhausting Im 21 and ive been doing it for most of my life. My in-laws think we will be taking care of them when they can't care for themselves. she ended up on disability & died young herselfit ruined her life. - Do not post personal information. Otherwise, you need to take care of yourself by working as hard as you can in school, graduating, moving out, getting a job and fighting to keep it. They were set up in large family homes in neighborhoods. If you implode, that makes everything 100 times worse. dont worry about dates and time things took - you took care of business and that's what a company wants In India, parents take care of son until he gets married , they take care of him even if he is in his 30s. Take care of the child that you were even as you take care of your now child-like parents. Please consider making an appointment with an eldercare attorney. Go to work. Depends if your parents want to get taken care of. Members Online. 61 votes, 57 comments. I’ve seen many people take care of abusive/narcissistic or mentally ill parents who end up destroying themselves and often times dying or having major health issues after their parents pass. so naturally I do a little more work around the house and taking care of the baby. Almost bedridden from 22 to 29 and turning 30 in few months: I could really benefit from some grownups If parents do not want to be "taken care of" by others, then at the very least, hire someome to do errands and clean, cook and such, so that it is less of a burden for you and then you can take care of the other things. My boyfriend and I are both our parents only children. I could not give that. Ergo, parents keep their own retirement money for themselves. Depending on the law, you can take steps now to protect your parent's wealth and ensure that their wishes are honored when they pass. Something shifted for me as I became more estranged. Same in lesser degree that is not failure from parenting if kid can't or won't take care of parents. If you're a doctor you take care of your siblings health needs, if your brother is a plumber he takes care of your pipe issues. Think acute misery. My mom has no living relatives besides me, and made zero plans for old age, so everything's on me and my husband now. She is getting forgetful and very distractable, so we are worried of her taking care of the finances and preparing meds for them both. Do we really need to think in western perspective all the time. Your siblings aren't going to take care of them either. It is not fair to the aging parent not to get the care they need. I essentially shortened my life by doing it. Slightly different to be retired and care for your parents during the week then get the weekend off vs working a full week, spend the weekend taking care of your parents and going back to work - rinse and repeat for 10 months. 9 months went by and she was completely out of funds, we were in the process of selling her home to continue funding her stay when covid swept through her facility and killed 9 of their 11 clients, My parents have long-term care insurance. nap times are golden hours for me. You need to work up an estimate of what taking care of your parents costs you. YOU MUST SAVE YOURSELF. Parent/child relationships have many challenging aspects, but when the roles reverse it can get more challenging. If you want to take care of parents , come back to india after a few years . Take care of yourself, pay off your student debt, and carry garlic and a silver crucifix to ward off the vampires. i have 9mo twins, wfh 8-5 and i take care of them at the same time. Also don’t hesitate to include that pro bono work on your resume. He is just not interested. My mind is tired. Our parents or grandparents had index based pensions. At daycare they aren't taking care of 1 or 2 kids, they are spreading their attention amongst a whole group. Both parents recently passed and I neither took care of them (except for one hospital visit) nor attended their funerals. You are not a bad daughter. Now, for your parents If child grows to be misogynistic, racist serial killer you wouldn't blame the parents and parents shouldn't blame themselves. Oh, they do! Because it sucks and these girls and women come to Reddit in droves to find a sympathetic ear. There is an option for us to try and get me paid by Medicare, but it would end up taking money from my family either way. Both of my parents died from PD, it can be a long journey and you need to take care of yourself as well as help them. And not to forget, about our own retirement. It’s a trap. Ask a question or start a conversation about (almost) anything you desire. - All reddit-wide rules apply here. You may never regain control of your own life path. You MUST take care of yourself and your own situation. This is a question I've wrestled with for a decade now as I have 3 parents I care about (both biological and a step parent), and 2/3 of them have no real savings or retirement. I have 4 siblings and I am the only real emotional support for my mother. So come in, have some fun, and enjoy the Reddit discussions that you remember from years past. Yeah same. Of taking care of my bedridden grandmother who needs constant care 24/7. Adult children taking care of their aging parents. Have grace for yourself, too. You will gain marketable skills working with your family also look into government programs to help you get paid for taking care of your parents. The baby goes to daycare full-time and we have no family or close friends nearby to ask for help. What that would look like if I did would be financially supporting her, her After The Times published a pair of articles on elder care — one about a Connecticut home health aide and another about women forgoing Elderly parents must take some responsibility toward their care as they age and not assume their children will do it all for them. For daughter, they take of the daughter for whole life, even if she gets married and keep taking care of her wants. That you can no longer take care of him, no longer lift him, can no longer take care of his incontinence, his uncontrollable blood sugar. Reddit strangers care more about them than My parents aging is on my mind all the time, not that I'm afraid of them dying soon, it's more that I need to get myself in a better financial state quickly so that I can have them move in with me. I'm very fortunate that my partner is going to be a SAHD when I'm back to work in 3 months. Find a way to make friends and build a support network for yourself. If you have any questions, please send the mods a message. " Its their responsibility to raise you till you're of age for bringing you in this world through their own selfish desire of having a child. and you finish what you start. Taking care of a parent that is sick, especially mental issues, is rough. They said they will take care of their parents if they get sick. Aging parents, 1000s miles from home, without meaningful support. I want to be kind but in typical boomer fashion they blew through their retirement savings way too fast living the big life. If you take him on, you could very well be doing this indefinitely. Please don't feel guilty and DON'T go back. You also need to stop feeling guilty about your feelings toward your parents and brothers. Remember, your feelings are valid. My parents live about 5 minutes away from me and fortunately they're still very independent, but even now, the thought of them needing me to take care of them keeps me up at night. I got stuck taking care of my mother in 2009 when she could no longer live safely in Geezus. While she is not as advanced in dementia she does have her moments of forgetfulness and I know she is quite lonely right now and isolated. My parents are both still alive and independent, but when the time comes I can't count on my sister to help at all. I make just enough to get by with me and my kid and fight a nonstop Taking care of a parent would be like having an adult child and I didn’t sign up for that. My parents both were on medicare, but on the advice of their accountant they had spoken with a consultant and purchased supplemental insurance that helped pay for their prescriptions and covered their medical bills Met Dad's ambulance at the emergency room before daylight yesterday after he fell at home. As you have a new account or low Reddit karma, your comment has been automatically removed to give you some time to get familiar with our rules and community Don’t include any reasoning on a resume, it’s COVID people are still losing their jobs. I decided yesterday I did as much as I can and I need to take care of me. Make every moment with your father memorable. So do I. Taking care of him was one of the biggest regrets of my life. I think it’s noble to care for your parents when they are no longer able to care for themselves. She moved in with my oldest sister seven months My parents divorced when I was very young (less than a year old) and I never met my father after that (to my knowledge, at least). My internal struggle is this. In some western countries, parents take care of kids only till high school (In the US, public schools are free and in some countries in Europe, college can be free too), and expect the kids to finance their own education. When you call 911, tell them he is going to be transported, so they send the right crew. They're too old to be living on their own at No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. Move on with your life unless they change their minds. Try to do things together and spend quality time. 28K subscribers in the AgingParents community. Do not bully or harass other users. I’ve been taking care of my mom and realized spending quality time together makes life better for her, which in turn makes me feel better. Many years of strange familial interactions will make you feel that way. Not one single call taking agent has ever stayed when returning from mat leave because they all think they can do the job and take care of their babies at the same time. i rarely have to do overtime. Geezus. • Get supplemental insurance. My understanding is their Medicare will take care of some diagnosed illnesses to a degree, but things like assisted living or nursing homes are just a frickin joke of a cost to be realistic, or if they need care bad enough they basically will have to spend down all their assets and then get some kind of charity care (or I think Medicaid) to get into a facility (which sounds like a dreadful My parents have just hit 60 and I’m finding that they are losing energy to care for themselves - they sit and watch tv most of the time, stopped working out, don’t clean the house the same, gaining weight , and overall losing excitement about things. Our parents sacrificed everything for us to have a good life. Taking care is the easy part. " I felt burdened by the prospect of taking care of my aging parents and autistic brothers in my 20s when I still felt obligated to care for them. She did have really bad alzheimers by the time we placed her. This space is here to freely discuss and offer support for the specific challenges, unique parenting perspectives, and judgement we face from society or sometimes our own family because of our decision to only have one child. I am paid out of pocket from my father who has a monthly social security check. the jobs you are going to qualify for dont care about what you've done but that you have follow through - which you do. How do I remain upbeat during these trying times? It is really not easy taking care of bedridden elderly. I live with my mom and dad. I considered taking time off before law school to move home and help take care of my mom, but both of my parents, and my older sister (25) who is living with them while she finishes a second bachelor's degree, as well as taking care of them, all told me that they would not let me put off A subreddit for parents who have decided or had the decision made for them to only have one child. US is moving towards removing chain migration, I recall watching this Immigration show on TV Asia way back where the old lawyer was Gujju and so were most of the callers - he was impressed as to how they planned the migration for sisters, brothers, parents etc ( thus the large Patel population in US ), their My dad did zilch for me but he still wiggles into my heart somehow. I don't blame her but I am so so tired. Generally parents are too adamant about these things which leaves with no option except to live with them and do it yourself. I am the one who is there for my family members when they need it. Parents divorced. These people often do everything they can for their parents because it is in their nature but because of previous trauma don’t have healthy boundaries that allow themselves to step back Every country has own rules, UK you can - mostly same rule as Canada. In today's economy it is selfish and unrealistic for I was fortunate enough to be able to take care (together with my sisters) of our mother, before she died earlier this year (at the age of 93). Also, an aging program (or may be called adult protective services) has a social services network who can show you in-home services for your mom (meals on wheels, caregivers for bathing, light cooking/cleaning/laundry). Everyone takes care of everyone. A true parent would still take care of you even if you're useless at the age of 50. pcsirh qmsb uscisx temm szmpdh clkwrk dlrhoe axwmk ilph lwmee cjxqgn bpnaz tfi ljy feklzb